My Big Fat Gay Success Story

I was so gay in school that the drag queens would gay-bash me. And the cowboys, and the thugs, and the rockers, and the punks, and the jocks, and the cheerleaders when they were with their jock boyfriends...

I had shoes from the Delia's Catalog, shiny shirts from Hot Topic, and a man-purse. (Don't forget the man-purse, girl!) Maybe my saving grace was the 90's themselves. It was the dawn of metro-sexuality, the time of raves, 'alternative' rock, Tragic Kingdom, Chumbawamba, my Frankenstein boots, and glitter...lots and lots of glitter! I was secretly obsessed with what was going on outside of high school. I didn't care what anyone out of the Drama Dept. thought. I knew about gay bars, gay techno, cruising in public parks (not that I did, Mom, it was Albuquerque, after all...) I was going to hit real life and be a star! (Thanks to AOL and my 1200 baud modem connection!) Screw you stupid people who thought life peaked in high school, I was going places!

I was extremely lucky though. I had (and have) an amazing woman as my mother. I knew that no matter what, my mom would love me forever. Its nice having a fag hag as a mother! Granted, I did officially tell her that I was gay two weeks after the Matthew Shepard beating. She kinda freaked out...

I would walk through the halls, well actually it was more like a 'click-swish-click, click-swish-click...anyway, I would saunter through the halls and hear comments about my clothing, being a fag, fairy, pansy, whatever. I was scared! I never knew when I'd have to use my high kick against someone's nose. I just kept my head high and kept walking. I knew that these people were beneath me and I had to get out of high school.

Not that I wasn't suicidal. I tried drinking things that said, 'toxic.' I tried falling down stairs, knives, car accidents...I was always too chicken to actually cause myself any harm.

THANK GOD!

Thank God I lived long enough to see a baby being brought into this world, long enough to have the opportunity to sail across the Atlantic Ocean, long enough to fall in love, long enough to perform opera, long enough to have friends for more than a decade. But a day/week/month/year/lifetime is NEVER long enough to have lived.

Thank God!